You Can't Argue with the Law
by Catherine E. Grant
Summary: Mick becomes the target of a massive sized Goldie special (wobbly) thrown by the other four WR D's. Yes, other FOUR. Jack, Alex and Mick discover just who the new detectives on temporary assignment to the Water Police from drug squad are when they exper


YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THE LAW  
Author: Catherine E. Grant (avatar_31@angelfire.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them, Hal McElroy does. Don't like 'em; take it up with him. Insult him enough and he might get disgusted and give 'em away. (Please oh please oh please Mr McElroy, I've been good and I didn't ask Santa for anything else, really I didn't!)  
  
Summary: Mick becomes the target of a massive sized Goldie special (wobbly) thrown by the other four WR D's. Yes, other FOUR. Jack, Alex and Mick discover just who the new detectives on temporary assignment to the Water Police from drug squad are when they experience first hand the joys of a Goldie special.   
  
Note: Actually this was meant to be a sensitive piece about Jack and Alex's relationship when his old girlfriend (Rach) arrives on the scene with her husband, Frank, but I guess the D's had other ideas.   
  
You can't argue with the law, can you?  
  
Timeframe: Jack, Mick and Alex, 'cept Rachel didn't die, she just took leave after being badly wounded in the passport investigation. They didn't know it, but she met up with Frank in the islands and they've been together ever since. Oh, and yes it's been two years since anyone else saw Frank, and about a year since they saw Rachel.   
  
  
YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THE LAW  
  
Alex St Clare sat up in bed and swore. "Shit, shit, shit!" Wildly she grabbed the alarm clock and shook it. It ticked half-heartedly before spluttering to a stop.  
  
"Jack! C'mon Jack, we're gonna be late!"  
  
"Huh? Owww..." Beside her Jack Christie rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. "Go 'way, Alex" he muttered, snuggling against her.   
  
"Ja-ack!" Looking around for a way to wake him up, Alex's gaze fell on the small glass of water he always kept on the side table next to the bed. With an evil grin she tipped the contents on her partner's somnolent form. He groaned.  
  
"C'mon Jack, seriously, we're already late" she urged. He picked himself out of the soggy mass and glared at her.   
  
"You get to dry this" he told her, "and I'll just take yours until then."  
  
"Like hell you will Jack!" Quickly she grabbed her own pillow and threw it out of arms' reach. He swore, stretched, and proceeded to rub his eyes. Very slowly.  
  
With an exasperated sigh Alex climbed out of bed and started hunting for her clothes. "Right, that's it" she declared, "I'm going in and you can meet me there."  
  
"It's not that late, is it?" Jack asked hopefully.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Nope, it's just going on 10:30."  
  
"Shit!"  
  
"You know, that's just what I said" his partner replied fondly, and threw him his pants.  
  
"Get dressed mister."  
  
"Aye aye sir!"  
  
He mock saluted her and both began to laugh. Alex clambered over the bed and leant across to kiss him. Jack obliged readily, running his fingers through her thick blonde hair and down her back. "Jack!" she protested. "We don't have time for this!"  
  
"Does that mean you don't love me any more?" he pouted.   
She swiped him across the side of the head. "Nah, I reckon you're pretty special" she told him.  
  
"Yah reckon?"  
  
"Yeah, you're okay."  
  
"Just okay?"  
  
"You're getting a little pushy aren't you?"  
  
"Yep."   
  
Laughing, the pair fell back across the bed.  
  
  
Half an hour later, Alex made another attempt to get up.  
  
"This is important Jack, if we don't get in there soon, everybody'll think..."  
  
"That we screwed each other's brains out last night, yeah, I know. What part don't you like - the screwing or the together part?"  
  
"Jack Christie you're such a pig!"  
  
"Yeah, I've been told!"  
  
"Ugh - sometimes you just make me sooooo mad, I want to strangle you. You know I hated you when we first met?"  
  
"Well I wasn't too fond of you either."  
  
"You nearly stuffed my investigation!"  
  
"That's what they pay me for..."  
  
"Jack!"  
  
"Yes? Nah, Alex, what's so important about today? Jeff and Helen know how hard we work, they wouldn't begrudge us a late morning."  
  
"*Helen* wouldn't... Anyway, today's when they bring in the D's from Drug Squad, you know, to *help* on the Matheson case. I kinda wanted to be there when they arrived, get their measure, that kind of thing."  
  
"Geez Alex you can meet them when we arrive, they'll probably just be another pair of pricks anyway, you know what Drug Squad's like."  
  
"Yeah - that's why I wanted to be there!"  
  
"You're a bloody perfectionist, you know that Al?"  
  
"Nah, I just like protecting my work and *my* desk!"  
  
"That wouldn't have anything to do with Mick's foray into your folders, would it?"  
  
"No..." Even Alex herself found her reply unconvincing, but true to form, she didn't say anything. Chuckling, Jack pulled away from her and finished getting dressed.  
  
***  
  
"This is Hell, you know Jack, why can't you drive a little slower, I really don't want to be wearing this, I'm not that fond of coffee - hey! Watch where you're going you pig!" Alex switched the subject of her diatribe mid-sentence to yell at a motorcyclist out the window. He gave her the finger and she shook her fist at him. Jack couldn't help smirking as yet again she narrowly missed filling her lap with scalding coffee.  
  
Disgusted, she sank back into her seat and caught his eye. "What's so funny?" she grumbled.  
  
"You."  
  
"Me? Oh great. Be diplomatic next time will ya Jack?"  
  
"I thought I was."  
  
Still grinning, he pulled the car into the Water Police Station. "Time to face the music, you're talking" he commanded.  
  
"Me?" Alex asked again. "Oh great. This is really my morning, why do I have to do the talking, you know what they're gonna think!'  
  
"'Cos I'm the sergeant, and you're the senior connie!" He danced out of the way of her long swipe.   
"Here, take your coffee. But you're still a pig." Jack took it and sipped slowly. "Thanks, Alex, I love to know you care."  
  
She muttered something under her breath which he pretended not to hear.  
  
Life was wonderful.  
  
Alex wondered furiously how she was going to explain this morning's episode. It wasn't like they hadn't been late before, but three hours? And together? The detective stifled a groan. She knew that everyone knew she'd been screwing Jack, but she wasn't quite sure how she felt about it. Sure, the sex was good, and he was great company, but she didn't know if she wanted the kind of permanent commitment announcing it officially would bring. Every time she thought of her and Jack - that way - a sneaky thought of Mick or Mozzie would intrude and she'd feel guilty all over again. "This really isn't my day" she muttered again and followed Jack inside.  
  
Hawker looked over his shoulder from his conversation with Helen and Mick when he heard the Ds arrive. "Bout time you two got here" he commented sardonically. "What was it today? Car trouble? Overdose of sleeping tablets? A neighbour's cat got stuck up a tree and you had to do your patriotic duty as members of her majesty's police force?"  
  
Mick hid a smirk and Alex gave Jack an embarrassed look. Bastard! He actually looked like he was enjoying this!  
  
"The alarm clock was broken" she admitted sheepishly.  
  
Hawker's eyebrows left his forehead to hide somewhere in the vicinity of his hairline. "Your alarm clock was broken" he repeated slowly. "Two of my senior detectives are late because your alarm clock was broken!?"  
  
"Yes sir." Alex fidgeted slightly and elbowed Jack in the side. He was *really* going to get it later. It was all his fault, after all.   
  
"And you? Jack, what's your excuse?" Jeff turned the tables rapidly, bringing Christie under the firing squad.  
"Was your alarm clock broken too?"  
  
"Yes sir! I mean no sir, my alarm clock is fine. I - I was at Alex's last night. Sir."  
  
"I hope you weren't doing anything that might encourage me to transfer one of you" Jeff warned sternly.   
  
"No sir" they answered together, feeling like little children getting bailed out in the principal's office.  
  
"Very well, that will be all." Giving them one final strict look Hawker spun on his heel and left the room. Alex winced. "I wonder how long he's been practicing that?" she muttered.   
"WHAT WAS THAT ST. CLARE?" came Hawker's angry yell from the next room.  
"NOTHING SIR!" she yelled back immediately.   
  
"Hell, what did I say?" she appealed when there was no reply.  
"Jeff's just a little out of sorts" Helen answered, smiling. "He got a little surprise today, that's all."  
  
"Like what?" asked Jack, but Helen didn't have time to answer before she was cut off.  
  
"HOLLOWAY YOU BASTARD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY PEN?"  
  
"GAVE IT TO THE SALVOS!"  
  
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU! FIRST MY KEYS, THEN MY COFFEE AND NOW MY PEN! IS NOTHING SAFE AROUND YOU?"  
  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK? AND I *DIDN'T* TAKE YOUR KEYS, YOUR LOST THEM YOURSELF!"  
  
"LIKE BLOODY HELL I DID FRANCIS!"  
  
"ASK HELEN THEN GOLDIE!"  
  
"FINE I WILL!"  
  
"KEEP IT DOWN UP THERE WILL YOU FOR GOD'S SAKE?" Came Hawker's frustrated scream from his office.   
  
"SURE BOSS!" They yelled back together, for once in agreement on something.  
  
"HEY! THAT'S *MY* COFFEE, GET YOUR BLOODY OWN! HELEN, SHE'S STEALING MY COFFEE!"  
  
"ONLY COS YOU STOLE MINE! SEE? YOU DON'T HAVE SUGAR IN YOUR COFFEE, I DO!"  
  
"I WONDERED WHY IT TASTED FOUL!"  
  
"WHY'D YOU PINCH IT THEN FRANCIS?"  
  
"COS YOU DRANK MINE!"  
  
Feet clattered down the stairs as Frank Holloway kept a step ahead of his frustrated partner.  
  
"FRANCIS JAMES HOLLOWAY!"  
  
"RACHEL MAREE GOLDSTEIN!"  
  
"The D's are here" Helen announced to no one in particular.  
  
Catching up with him, Rachel swiped the coffee cup out of Frank's hand. Trying to drink it, she announced, "It's empty! Frank, you bastard!" Making a face, she upended the polystyrene cup on his head. "Have it then, I don't care!" She looked around rapidly and descended on the front counter. Helen only just saved her coffee from certain death.  
  
"Uh - uh, no you don't Rachel" she chided, holding the would-be victim aloft. "This cup is MINE."  
  
"But he drank mine!" Rachel complained aggrievedly. Another quick glance around the room proved the only other cups of coffee belonged to a Jack Christie and a petite blonde-haired woman in a charcoal dress. Well she didn't know the woman, but Jack was fair game. Before he had time to move she stole his drink and finished it for him.   
  
Returning the cup she glanced at his poleaxed expression and grinned. "Hiya Jack, good to see ya. Miss me?"  
  
He just stared. "Close your mouth Christie, you're collecting flies" warned Frank, coming to stand beside Rachel. Goldie was *his* partner, not Jack's, and he wanted to make that clear. Christie was NOT going to steal her away THIS time. The amused look on Rachel's face said she hadn't missed his motivation and he'd be hearing about it later. Frank didn't mind though. Her sharp nature was part of what attracted him to Rachel Goldstein in the first place.  
  
Helen broke the awkward silence. "Well, now that we're all together...Rachel, Frank, this is Detective Alex St Clare. Alex, this is the famous Frank Holloway"  
"Too right" he agreed, grinning.  
Helen glared at him "and the talented Rachel Goldstein."  
She smirked at *him* and he stuck his tongue out in reply. They exchanged inscrutable glances and grins before Frank turned to Alex and stuck out his hand.  
  
"Welcome abroad" he proclaimed grandly.  
She took his hand gingerly. "'Welcome abroad?' Who came up with that one?"  
  
"FRANK!" chorused Helen, Rachel and half the other people in the room.  
  
"Okay, I guess, thanks - but I've been here for the better part of a year, so you're a bit late, Holloway."  
  
"Oh, touche" murmured Rachel. She stuck out her hand and inclined her head at Alex. "Don't mind Francis, we only keep him for the amusement value. It's good to meet you, I hope we can work well together. I hate being assigned to help out other D's on cases, there's so many chances for resentment to brew."  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean" Alex agreed. Legend or not, she found she actually liked this straightforward woman. Everything in her demeanour said she could be trusted, but she could see where some people could have described her as 'cold.' Rachel Goldstein gave off a presence that exuded confidence and competence, and it would have been easy for many people to be overawed. Luckily for her chances in the Water Police, Alex realised, she had some of that same nature herself.  
  
"Jack and I were bitching this morning about having to put up with two smart-arsed pricks from the drug squad. I'm glad working with you isn't going to be the chore we imagined."  
  
"Oh, you haven't met Francis yet," Goldie said dryly the same time as Frank interrupted  
"So that's why you were late?"  
and Jack complained "Hey, I wasn't the one bitching!"  
  
Alex covered her ears and looked mutely at Helen for assistance. The older woman merely looked away and made a pretence of studying some paperwork, though she wasn't going to miss this for the world. No help there.  
  
"First of all, Jack, you were too bitching, of course you were bitching, you really hate anyone stepping on your territory! And you were the one who referred to them as just another couple of pricks!"  
  
"I DID NOT!"  
  
"YOU DID TOO!"  
  
"JACK CHRISTIE!"  
  
"ALEX ST CLARE!"  
  
"OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM, E I E I O!"  
  
Jack and Alex broke off their argument to stare open-mouthed at Frank. "Do you mind?" Jack asked finally. Frank shrugged good-naturedly. "Sorry, it just looked like fun so I thought I'd join in."  
  
Alex took a deep breath. "Anyway...YOU WERE BITCHING CHRISTIE, AND YOU'RE THE REASON WE WERE LATE, YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GET UP!"  
  
"YOU DIDN'T SEEM IN MUCH OF A HURRY AFTER A WHILE EITHER, IT WASN'T JUST ME!"  
  
"KEEP IT DOWN OR HAWKER'LL HAVE OUR HIDES!" bellowed Mick.  
  
"WHY DON'T YOU KEEP OUT OF IT MICK, CAN'T YOU SEE THE CHILDREN ARE HAVING FUN?" broke in Frank.  
  
"AND YOU'RE *NOT* INTERRUPTING FRANCIS?" Goldie cut in.  
  
"NO I'M NOT I'M HAVING A LEGITIMATE DISAGREEMENT WITH MICK!"  
  
"YOU'RE JUST ARGUING WITH ME!"  
  
"AND ANYWAY ALEX YOU SOAKED MY PILLOW!"  
  
"I ONLY DID THAT COS YOU REFUSED TO GET UP!"  
  
"IS IT MY FAULT YOU HAVE A COMFORTABLE BED?"  
  
"SHUT UP CHRISTIE!"  
  
"HE'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT, EVEN WHEN HE WAS WITH ME!"  
  
"OH YOU SLEPT WITH HER TOO, JACK? DO YOU ALWAYS SLEEP WITH YOUR PARTNERS?"  
  
"ONLY THE CUTE ONES!"  
  
"SO WHEN DO WE GET IT ON JACK?" propositioned Frank above the din. "HOW 'BOUT YOUR DESK?"  
  
"YOU JUST HAVE A THING FOR DESKS!" Rachel complained.  
  
"OH YEAH? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO DO IT ON THE DESK WHEN YOU JUST MET ME!"  
  
"THAT'S *COS* I ONLY JUST MET YOU!"  
  
"ARSEHOLE!"  
  
"BASTARD!"  
  
"BITCH!"  
  
"SHUT UP THE LOT OF YOU, I TELL YOU JEFF'LL KILL US!"  
  
"MICHAEL REILLY!"  
  
"JACK CHRISTIE!"  
  
"RACHEL MAREE HOLLOWAY! HEY, DON'T HURT ME, I MEANT GOLDSTEIN!"  
  
"FRANCIS JAMES HOLLOWAY!"  
  
"ALEX ST CLARE!"  
  
Upstairs in his office, Jeff Hawker considered sticking his head in the fish tank and ending it all.   
  
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" He interrupted. Five detectives? What had he been thinking? Taking a deep breath he tried again.  
  
"KEEP IT DOWN!!!!!!!"  
  
Downstairs the detectives paused a moment to look uncertainly at each other.  
  
Rachel asked quietly, "Did you hear anything?"  
  
"Nah" answered Alex  
  
"It was the wind" put in Frank  
  
"You're just imagining it" persuaded Jack  
  
"It was Hawker! I tell you, it was Hawker!" insisted Mick.   
  
"SHUT UP REILLY!"   
  
Silence.  
  
"Well, at least there's one thing we can all agree on" Alex stated firmly. "Who'd think Mick could make so much noise?"  
  
"Not me," said Frank innocently.  
  
"He just likes the attention" Jack told her, putting one arm around her shoulders. Alex glared at him before leaning into his embrace. After a quick glance to gauge her temper Frank did the same to Rachel, who kissed him lightly on the cheek.  
  
"Who wants to go for a coffee?" she suggested brightly.  
  
"Good idea!"  
  
"Hear, hear!"  
  
"Jack's paying!"  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Can I come too?"  
  
"SHUT UP REILLY!"  
  
THE END  
  
Words: 2512  
  
Hey, send me some feedback! I mean, SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK! Or I'll sic the detectives on you, they like feedback too. Let me know how I'm going; this is only my fourth finished WR fan fic! I've always loved the show right from season one but unfortunately I seem to be stuck in a time warp, as I can't get past Rachel and Frank. How Hal could get rid of two so wonderful characters is beyond me.  
  
Email: avatar_31@angelfire.com  
  
  



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